Circles.

Isn’t it weird how things go round in circles? And I don’t mean the karma/repercussions/it’ll come back and bite you in the ass circles, I mean the kind of why do you feel the same when your nearly twenty as you did when you were when you were just five and were too nervous to go into class kind of circles.

Because as I sit here in my - its ironic, I swear - “Rockstar in Training” nightie and my moisturising massage socks (helpful if you wear heels all the time - I can tell you) on the eve of my second year as a University student (yes, laugh now, but I did survive and pass my first year without too many disasters) I can’t help but feel nervous, and think “Was my summer as good as everyone else’s?” (The answer’s no, in case you were wondering), “I don’t know what to wear tomorrow, will I look like I care too much?” or “I hope no one ignores me, or has forgotten me over summer..”

I realise that all at once I’m fifteen again, and spent the usual summer seeing family and doing fuck all. Really, at 19 I should  have been be off travelling or any other of the shit that people my age do, but I just didn’t. Its not like I had reason not too either, I had money (ish) and time and even motivation, but I just sat in my front room and watched Star Trek or read any book I could find. Sad, very sad. I don’t know why either, but I suppose I’m just lazy.

Well I look over at my bookshelf and suspended from the top is tomorrows outfit, and I worry that the camel cardigan doesn’t go with my shoes, should I wear something else or maybe just not wear those shoes….

But it isn’t until “if I haven’t got the right outfit I may as well not go!” crosses my mind that I know I’m being fucking ridiculous and no one will even notice that my cardigan is camel, not caramel and I should turn the light off and go to sleep.